It’s not working for you. You’re chewing and chewing and gnawing but the pleasure is amiss.

Stop.

Get it out.  Chuck that wedding registry and then … rebuild it.  Let’s do it together*.

Expect a mess.  We’re diving in without towels.  I repeat, no towels.  But in the end we’ll meet success with a revamped  registry that is the very best.  Sounds like a kindergarten song.

Regorge and share your valuable insights in a speedy survey.

Spread the spewage and send to a few opinionated soul sisters.  If you tweet, be sure to use the hashtag: #registryregurgitation.

Retch wretched registries,

Kira

*If you’re kind enough to spare 10 minutes for my survey.

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Wild woman rule: #1

December 14, 2009

I’m bored with rules from self-proclaimed experts.  I’d rather hear refreshing stories from wild women that chuck instructions in the recycling bin: the type of women who read two paragraphs of “How To …” magazine articles and decide they’d rather head to the rock climbing gym than finish the article.  I admire that crowd.

Writing her own rules: Caitlin Kelley

In response to an excerpt from The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, Caitlin Kelley wrote her own rule for meeting new friends and finding romance:

“Play social sports. Play to the best of your ability, and don’t be afraid to get sweaty & dirty. Don’t bother changing back into regular clothes when going to the bar afterwards. Dominate the flip cup or beer pong table, and you can show your feminine side by dancing when Rhianna or Lady Gaga plays from the jukebox.”

Next time you read or hear a rule you abhor, write your own.  Send it to me (TheMathematicsofGlamour@hotmail.com), and I’ll post.

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A rupture in the rules

December 9, 2009

“When you’re with a man you like, be quiet and mysterious, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile.  Don’t talk so much.  Wear black sheer pantyhose and hike up your skirt to entice the opposite sex!  You might feel offended by these suggestions and argue this will suppress your intelligence or vivacious personality.  You may feel that you won’t be able to be yourself, but men will love it!”

-From The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

Write your own rules.  Send to me, and I’ll share.
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Card and envelopeSeptember 13, 2009 –

It’s approaching. Insert National Grandparents’ Day into your planner.

After you send flowers to Florida, don’t forget your Great, Great, (add a million more Greats) Great Grandma, Mrs. Stromatolite.

The Precambrian rock may not play a weekly Bridge game, but the ancient lady’s cozy home is always open in Western Australia.

On this day of gratitude for the elderly, we should thank Grandma Stroma for the oxygen she gave our atmosphere thousands of millions of years ago.  Without this gift, you and I would not be here today.
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Question: What do balloons, desire,  sex and the city have in common?

Answer:   Attraction.  A gravitational pull.  A force to be reckoned with immediately.

Sex and the City 1

I'm the tall gal in the back. Sex and the City The Movie Credit: http://www.usmagazine.com

This week marked the beginning of the next chapter of Sex and the City The Movie (2).  An open casting call brought out the ugly side of some of the prettiest people.  Crazy fans cut in line more than I’ve ever seen anywhere … including elementary school.  They needed their shot at the big-screen.

Here’s my deal:  I’m not an actress.  I do not want to be an actress.  I would be dreadful, actually.  I do like a challenge, and I am curious. I heard about the SATC open call 2 years ago, and I couldn’t resist.  I was thrilled to be a part of the first movie as an extra.  I felt like it was Take-Your-Daughter-To-Work-Day, but I wasn’t Cattral’s kid.  I observed when I wasn’t “acting”.

Beyond the agony of wearing 3.5 inch-heels for a full day, I devoured every second of the opportunity.  And frankly, I would have been blocked out of the final movie clip if I wasn’t wearing my supa-heels.  No pain, no gain.

Despite my dislike of line-cutters, I am drawn to people that instinctively follow their compulsion.   Yes, there are bad cravings (violence, cocaine, etc.), but I’m addressing the good kind: the trip you’re longing for, the mountain you need to hike, or the painting you need to create.

Larry Walters was a man who longed for flight.  He strapped 45 helium-filled weather balloons to his lawn chair one day, and he flew.  He did in fact pay violation fines afterward.

According to Wikipedia, Walters said, “It was something I had to do. I had this dream for twenty years, and if I hadn’t done it, I think I would have ended up in the funny farm. I didn’t think that by fulfilling my goal in life — my dream — that I would create such a stir and make people laugh.”

Larry makes me wonder whether our desires shape our dreams or our dreams shape our desires.  Which is it?

Either way, don’t end up in the funny farm.  Do what you need to do, but don’t cut in line.

yes, I circled myself.  Screenshot from the Official Sex and the City The Movie Website

Yes, I circled myself. Screenshot from the official Sex and the City The Movie Website

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Generation Why?

June 29, 2009

I’ve heard bizarre stories (borderline unbelievable tales) passed down from our wise elders to mature adults and delivered via text message to my generation – Generation Y.

Y = Why?   Why are we losing touch with each other despite the increased Tweets, Facebook applications, text messages, and gchat natter?

The crazy tales from my predecessors leave me feeling a bit hollow.  Friends really used to call each other on the phone?  Dinner didn’t involve a parking garage full of cell phones stacked on the table?  Really?

I am guilty of and grateful for the increased communication via today’s technology.  On a normal day, I’m a big fan of all the tools listed above, hence, I’m utilizing a terrific platform for dialogue through WordPress.  I digg (I use it too) all of it.  I’ve even been addicted at times.  I use it, and I abuse it just like any average Tweeter.

But here and there I find myself wanting more.  I catch my friends more stimulated on their iphone than by the conversation taking place right there – right there with their own friends.  It’s offensive.  But beyond that it makes me worried.

I don’t believe the answer is to ignore all technology and live in a van down by the river.  Although, I am quite confident that living in the wilderness would be a fulfilling lifestyle, and I’m not opposed.  For the average person, today, let’s be real.  We have oodles of amazing knowledge thrown at us from every angle all the time – there must be a way to find some balance.  I’m sure the harmony varies from person to person, but I find it sickening to think that people are more interested in their hand-held devices than their own surroundings.  Recently on a date, I received an eye-opening compliment.

Every woman loves flattery – especially on a first date.  I was complimented in an odd form.  A few hours into my date, the gentleman told me that he felt like he shouldn’t take out his iphone while with me because I never pulled out my cell phone – not even once!  I feel like this should be obvious.  When on a date, you should give the person across from you your full attention (and this really doesn’t just go for dates).   Your cell phone should only come out if it’s an emergency.  The whole concept seemed like common sense to me.

This form of etiquette should be obvious.  But with all the technology in front of us, we’re all playing with our toys in the gray zone.  The etiquette involved seems to no longer be black and white.

It’s a discussion that will continue to flourish as we all figure out where technology fits into our lives and how we can get the most out of it without it sucking even more out of us.

Maybe we start small.  Be present.  Enjoy the people in your life and don’t waste their time by your mental-absence.  Be honest with yourself.  Most of those emails you are checking are not emergency, and they can wait until your dinner is over.  Put the Blackberry down and take the control of your life back in your own hands.

I’m making baby-steps as well.  I officially logged out of gchat for the first time in many months.  It’s embarrassing that this is a step forward.  I don’t plan on signing back on.  Friends can call, and I just added hours back into my week – a few more hours to write or create perhaps.

Are you doing anything to make a change?

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The Double-Dip Club

June 22, 2009

According to Wikipedia, "Reasons  People most often double-dip when their chips/fries are too long, and therefore one single dip is not enough to ensure the flavor lasts, and often becomes bland after a bite or two. Therefore, this motivates one to re-dip in order to get the flavor through. However this problem can be overcome. There are two ways to fix this problem: add extra dip to the snack before eating to therefore sustain taste; after the first dip, turn the snack on its side and re-dip."

I doodled the dip.

Reasons people double-dip according to Wikipedia:

“People most often double-dip when their chips/fries are too long, and therefore one single dip is not enough to ensure the flavor lasts, and often becomes bland after a bite or two. Therefore, this motivates one to re-dip in order to get the flavor through. However this problem can be overcome. There are two ways to fix this problem: add extra dip to the snack before eating to therefore sustain taste; after the first dip, turn the snack on its side and re-dip.”

If we can overcome this problem, we can overcome anything. New problem:  I don’t want to overcome the Dos Dip.

Any supporters?

Answer: A


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