You are truly a blessed person if you have the privilege of entering the mystical world of Medieval Times. And if the Big Lady above is really looking out for you, you may even get two visits under your armor.  Once you know the wenches by name, you become a M.T.G. (Medieval Times’ Groupie) – just like The Cable Guy.  I won’t judge what I may one day become.

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Photo stolen from Darren Lasso esquire darrenlasso.com all rights reserved

I learned a few important things as a big kid at Medieval Times.

1. The Green Knight of Asturius is the hot-tempered warrior. He’s arrogant and stubborn – the exact qualities that most women desire. He was my favorite. I met him after the show, and I was very disappointed to learn that he was a modest, polite man – there wasn’t even a hint of sarcasm or annoyance in his voice.

2. There are only nine castles in the United States. What a shame. I can knock off the Illinois & New Jersey Castles from my hot-spot destination list.  Lucky maiden I am.

3. Don lofre Santa Creu, aka the B&W Knight, always wins.  It would have been good to know that secret prior to sitting in the blue section. The Blue Knight blows. I did feel some compassion for him as we left the castle. He looked blue so I told him he put up a good fight (a special moment captured on camera).  He didn’t though. Green Knight should have won.

4. Perspectives change. The knights looked a tad bit different than I remembered as a 9-year-old kid. The shock didn’t hit me until I saw the knights up-close. I’d guess these guys might be around 19 or 20-years-old max.  Not how I remembered them at all.

5. I’m digging the long-haired Legends of the Fall, Brad Pitt-look. I feel a comeback. When the economy starts growing, mark my word, the hair will too.

6. Eating the feast without utensils was not as thrilling to me as an adult. It’s just the norm. Maybe I should re-evaluate my dining style.

7. As I was told by my teenage waiter, and retold by Don Temple, there is no after-party at Medieval Times.

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